I Heart Dave Karofsky

I think I might be shutting down my Multiply site na. Wala lang parang I like to start blogging na uli on a real blogsite. Pero parang nanghihinayang naman rin ako sa mga entries ko run sa Multiply ko. Oh well. 

Anyways, I soo love Glee episode last night. I mean ang daming surprise. Dave Karofsky kissed Kurt! Lol. Wala lang as in start pa lang ng Glee isa si Karofsky na gusto ko dun sa mga bully pero syempre di ko naman masyadong binibigyan ng pansin yung characters nila dahil ang feeling ko lang eh parang sila lang yung bully pero nagkaroon bigla ng twist. As in ang sweet and touching yung kiss. As in I soo love Dave Karofsky na hehehe. 

Medyo natutuwa ako sa attention na nakukuha ko kay Jason lately. Wala lang parang mas madalas na kaming nag-uusap ngayon unlike before. Thanks to the ice breaker games na nasa desk ni Christy. 

Grabe feeling ko ang sama sama ko. Kasi we have this work experience guy na basta kakaiba sya. Tas parang ang sama sama ko sa kanya. Hindi ko sya feel eh. Hehehe. 

I tried doing Twitter. Pero wala its not really my thing. Kasi parang nagagawa ko na naman sya sa Facebook eh ano pang point para mag-update rin ng status sa Twitter. Hays. 

Feeling ko hindi na ako makakahanap ng trainer na katulad ni Mike. Wala lang kasi naman parang yung trainer ko ngayon medyo parang walang paki. Hehehe. Not that wala syang paki pero parang wala lang, wala kaming mapag-usapan or parang pag nagcacardio ako kahit na session ko eh iniiwan nya ako. Hays uli. 

I am Sorry But That Lecture Has No Impact To Me

This is just me expressing what I thought about Winnie Monsod's viral lecture video.

While a lot of people got moved with her lecture, I don't feel anything. In fact, I disagree on some of her points. First, while it is true that part of our education is paid by the Filipinos thru taxes, we should still remember that it is the government that decides how much money should be allocated to UP. As a Filipino, I believe it is my right that the government should provide a good quality education to me and hindi ko utang na loob sa kanila yun. Isa pa my dad pays taxes too, siguro naman sa dami na nyang "pinag-aral" that made up for the subsidized part of my education. Second, siguro naman yung ibang gusto talagang makatapos sa pag-aaral eh ang main motivation nila is ma-iahon sa hirap yung pamilya nila at umunlad yung buhay nila. Kung wala naman makitang opportunity sa Pilipinas then masisi mo ba sila kung magtry sila ng opportunity sa ibang bansa? Is it right to judge them dahil ayaw nila magutom ang pamilya nila? Mali ba na magkaroon ka ng pangarap for yourself and to achieve your dreams? Sabi ni Winnie if you are planning to go abroad then dun ka mag-aral sa Ateneo or La Salle. I still want to believe that majority of the people who are going to UP ay hindi mayayaman and they can't afford the education at Ateneo or La Salle, if not then I think it is time for UP to review how they admit their students. Having said that, parang sinabi ni Winnie Monsod na wag na kayong magtapos ng college or you don't deserve a quality education. I'm sorry but prangkahan lang, I think the student get what their tuition fee is worth of. I mean yung facilities, yung classrooms, etc. If I am getting Ateneo-like facilities fine siguro baka nakapag-isip ako. Kung meron man na dapat pagka-utangan ng loob ang mga UP students, yun ay walang iba kundi ang mga professors na given their small pay they still provide high quality education to their students.

I am not denying that Winnie Monsod has a point but again in order for people to stay, there should be a good opportunity na naghihintay sa mga graduates. Kung wala, is it expected ba na parang sige hayaan ko na lang mamatay sa gutom ang family ko or I will live in regrets because hindi ko nagawa yung gusto ko talagang gawin sa buhay ko. Di ba nga sabi nila there are other ways of giving back. Kaya nga sa UP they are modling their students to have a broader perspective in life and making the students to do their best to achieve their dreams. Hindi ba part ng lyrics ng UP Naming Mahal yung "Malyong lupain amin mang marating, hindi magbabago ang damdamin"?

I also believe dun sa "calling". I mean may mga tao na ang calling nila eh to serve their fellow country men. Others iba naman. Lahat naman pwedeng maging bayani in their own ways. Di ba at one point OFWs are called "bagong bayani"?

In the end sabi ko nga kay Tina Amboy, hindi ako affected kasi di ko naman pinlano na pumunta ng Canada. Hehehe.

Getting Back Into Shapes

So I finally decided to sign up to Shapes again. Sobrang I am so out of shape na as in bumalik na ako sa 230lbs. Waah Like I gained 15 lbs during those two months na hindi ako nagwork out. I am hoping this time successful na ako. I also have a female trainer now, baka this time it will be successful kasi wala na akong ulterior motive and I will be doing this for myself and not for anyone else. Sigh.

Update

I realized that I haven't updated my blog for a while. I don't have anything to blog rin naman. I mean nothing really exciting happened to me except for my close encouters na muntik na akong mabangga. Speaking of, in fairness I waxed my Outlander for the very first time. Sana lang tumagal yung shine. Lol.

I bought the complete season dvd of Glee. It is a good thing that I've waited for the complete season. Kasi if you buy Volume 1 and 2 separately, it will cost you for $32 for each volume while the complete one only cost $39. So I had a Glee marathon this weekend. (I just found out that they also released the complete music album in Itunes!) Can't wait for season 2!

Next time na lang yung ibang update. Medyo nadistract kasi ako eh. Lol

Cleaning Up My Inbox

Since Email providers started offering big mailbox sizes with their free account, I think I rarely delete my emails. Minsan even yung mga email offers or yung mga job postings sa mga yahoo groups ko eh nakasave pa. I actually try to clean my inbox once in a while pero last friday I really deleted all my emails. I think it took me like 3 hours to delete all my emails in my 3 accounts. I think the oldest one that I had is back in 2006 pa.

Actually, kaya lang ako natagalan kasi I read some of the emails that I kept. I saw some of the email of this certain person. Wala lang, nakakapang hinayang lang na we've fallen apart. I kept those emails kasi this person used to be special to me. I guess it is time to move on.

As I said in my previous entries. It is hard for me to let go of memories and the thingst that I think is important. Pero naisip ko rin ang tagal ko na rin namang hindi nababasa yung mga email na yun. I guess yun nga yun ang mga tipong memories na kailangan ko ng bitawan.

I am now starting to clean up the clutters in my life. I am taking a break on my CGA this year. I guess the break would give me a good time to think things over.

On a lighter note, my officemate told me na I am more confident in driving now. Actually, medyo comfortable na ako even with parking kahit paano.

Of Knowing What You Really Want

I had a conversation with a friend about staying on something that doesn't make you happy anymore or causing you too much pain. I usually say that if something doesn't make you happy anymore and making you miserable, it's not worth of your time and just let go. The problem is you just can't let go of something that easy especially if it becomes an important part of your life.

You then have to know what you really want. I have learned that most of the time, we think we know what we want but in reality we actually don't know what we want. I am not using the word need because need and want are different concepts. You can easily tell the difference of "what you think you want" and "what you actually want". Once you got the thing the thing that you want, if your happiness is a quick one yung tipong sandali lang hindi ka na uli masaya, then you just thought na you want it. Pero if it lasted, then you actually get what you want.

It is hard to distinguish between the two. Ang hirap sabihin until it actually materialized. Kaya you always hear na "akala ko kasi gusto ko sya" or "akala ko kasi okay". In my experience, I actually need to think things over.

I thought I want to quit my job. I was in the verge of talking to my boss to tell him that I want to quit. Inisip ko what makes me want this job when I started aside from the need to have a job. After that inisip ko yung mga bagay na making me want to quit. None of the things that makes me want to quit is job related or even the work environment (although I am not a fan of our work environment but it is good enough). I just can't move on. I mean parang feeling ko I still want to do my old job na parang ang saya saya nila run. The perks that their having. Naiinggit ako, it makes me feel bad about my job. Then add the fact that my officemates that are my friends are quitting. When I listen to their angst, I feel bad for myself for staying. I think about these thing then I realized that first, this is my new life and I have to accept that I can't go back anymore and then I never felt my former officemates felt when they were working in our company so why should I feel bad for myself. Removing these factors, I realized that I like what I am doing and I actually like where I am right now. That moment makes me realized I really don't want to quit.

My friend said that she thinks she wants it to be over but in reality she doesn't. Sabi pa nya "Matagal ko ng gustong gawin kaso pag andyan na, hindi ko magawa kasi ang hirap, ang sakit sakit".I told her, I think it's the other way around because sometimes, the one that we truly desire is the hardest one to achieve.

When is It Wrong

We are thought that love is good. Some even say that love is God. If we believe in these things then is there such thing as wrong kind of love? Doesn't that negates the general idea that love is good?

I was one of those people that don't understand those people who fall in love to those who are already married and committed especially those who knew that their partner is already attached. Ang sa akin parang what kind of a person are you who wrecks people relationships. It is wrong. The love they are feeling is wrong in so many ways.

I didn't understand it until now. I am feeling something for my boss. I know it is way beyond lust. I can't actually say that I'm in love with my boss but the thing I am feeling for him right now is a familiar feeling that I've experienced before. I actually can't explain but there is this not so moderate feeling that I have for him.

As compared with my previous experiences this is way complicated. Aside from the fact that I'm gay and he is straight, he is my boss and he is a married guy. I never had this feeling before to a married person. I mean yes, nagkagusto sa mga taong may girlfriend but not a married person. I have this belief system that I must never feel anything to a married person. It is wrong. It is very wrong. I despise those people that do that and yet here I am, I am one of those. Kahit ba sabihin mo na it a one way thing and totally nothing will happen, it is still wrong.

I know this is a cliche but you can never teach your heart who to love and not to love. Minsan hindi mo mapipigil yung nararamdaman mo. Na kahit alam mong mali wala ka na ring magawa. Di ba nga, how something good can be bad?

Again, when can you say that the love you are feeling is wrong? Is this just based on what morality dictates? Is it "the love" that is wrong?

Here are my thoughts, I believe that love in general is good. It feels so good knowing that someone loves you and I think it is always a good thing to love and be loved. For me, it is the actions and the way we react on our feelings are those that can be classified as right or wrong. For example, you fell in love with a married guy and choose not to do anything about it because you don't want to ruin a family. It doesn't mean that you stop loving the person. Probably you still love the person but you opted to the do the right thing. On the other hand, if you actioned on your feelings, have an affair with that guy then your action is wrong not the love. Yes you may justify that you did it because you are in love but then the end does not always justify the means.