The Hardest Thing

In life, we often do a lot of choices. We need to decide what will choose and we, often than not, know the consequences of these choices. Consequences that are often contradicting and yet have the same effect.

I know, I have said that my previous entry would be my last entry about Kulet, that was my choice but the thing is even though I really want to stick to my decision I just can't.

I need to choose between being happy for now and dread later or dread now than to dread more later.

I'm happy with what me and Kulet have right now(clarify ko lang:we are somewhat close friends right now) but I know what I'm feeling is not healthy in the long run. Masasaktan na naman ako in the end kasi alam ko naman na walang bukas ang ganito. So I decided to start avoiding Kulet. Sabi ko nga kay Bebs dahan dahan muna.

But I failed.

Monday, I owe Kulet lunch. So sya yung lunch buddy ko that time. So much for pag-iwas di ba? I even lied to Cham na sya yung kasama kong mag-lunch but no, nakita pa rin kami ni Cham. Useless na sa labas yung meeting place namin, bakit kasi brown out sa Tapa King?? Medyo demanding nga sya kasi nung 12 na tinext nya ako na meet na kami sa labas I told Kulet na to give me 5 minutes and hirit ba naman sa akin eh "Di na...Baba ka na."

Then I have 2 tickets for the advance screening ng The Departed c/o Ms. Liza. Una si Meann ang niyaya ko, since buntis si Meann nagdecline sya. Then I texted Kulet(grabe iwas mode no?) sya niyaya ko. Tinanong nya ako kung kailan at saan, I texted the date and venue then di na sya nagreply.

The following day, in-ask ko sya uli sa email, no response pa rin given nabasa na nya yung email ko. So nagdrama ako kay Bebs na maybe time na talaga to avoid Kulet. Nagkaroon kami ng pact ni Bebs na everytime na hindi ko iniiwasan si Kulet ililibre ko sya ng Waffle (So far almost everyday na nagwawaffle si Bebs).

For the last time, tinanong ko kung kukunin pa nya yung ticket. Nagreply sya what time, I replied the time then the unexpected question:"Magkasama tayo?"

Syempre ang stupid ng sagot ko:"depende sa iyo" but what I really want to say was "Kung wala kang kasama ok lang, kasi kung meron kina Ji ako sasama"

So ang sagot nya "Ok lang. Sige nood tayo"

After that email, emergency waffle session with Bebs. Wala lang, I feel so stupid kasi una, I should be avoiding Kulet second and stupid ng sagot ko dun sa "magkasama tayo?" question. Sabi nga ni Bebs dapat may will akong gawin yung choice na pinili ko. Pero mega nahihihrapan talaga ako.

So ayun nung nagmeet na kami ng 6pm, sinabi ko na sa kanya na baka may iba syang kasama kasi ok lang din na sasabit na lang ako kina Ji (na hindi pala manonood). Eto yung sagot nya:
"Wala, ikaw lang naman yung nagyaya sa akin eh".(actually, narealize ko na iniisip nya na ako ang may ibang kasama at extra ticket lang talaga binibigay ko sa kanya, although pwede rin naman na parang ayaw nya akong kasama or that effect, sabi nga ni Bebs I'm paranoid).

Ayun nag-dinner muna kami sa isang diner na sa G4 na nakalimutan ko na yung name na hindi kami both nasiyahan. Then ayun nanood na kami ng movie. To cut the story short I enjoyed the evening.

But I really need to avoid Kulet na..Kailangan na...