Jaded

I should have been blogging about the freaky incidence last wednesday when I saw Sungit in Rob while waiting for my cousin, given the fact that I was absent last wednesday.

I should have been blogging that I was sooo happy that time and I was soo into the idea that it was destiny that made us see each other that time.

I should have been blogging about how my week started right because of Sungit.

I should have, but I didn't.

After the holy week, actually it was Easter Sunday when I have this realizations after reading a quote from Zel. Its about the 10 stupid things that we always do. After thinking things over, I suddenly don't believe in the concept of love. Not that I don't believe in love per se. I just don't believe that love will come my way. I mean that I accepted that I will not find my "special" someone. I accepted the fact that no one will love me in a romantic kind of way. I still believe in true love but that is not for me.

I'm so tired of falling for someone who will never fall for me. I'm so tired of always chasing for someone, being the chaser rather than being chased. I'm so tired of having no one to chase me or to catch me when I fall. I have so much pains in the past that I don't know if I can stand another blow. My heart is full of scars and still have wounds that need to heal. I'm now closing my heart and I won't let anyone get through for the time being. I had let some people get inside my heart and all they leave was wounds and I won't let that happen again. I don't know when will I open it again. I'm so tired...very tired.

In line with this, I will stop pursuing whatever I'm feeling for Sungit. I will not entertain any feelings that I feel for Sungit. My pathetic days are definetly over. Ayoko na talaga. Enough na. I accepted it, I am meant to be alone.

Bitter? Nah, just jaded.